None of postpartum life is perfectly predictable and textbook. Everyone has a different journey and every journey is different after each birth. After I had Arthur, I experienced big time anxiety and depression and leaned heavily on my people to get me through. I also learned a lot of stuff that made life easier as a person who wasn't doin so hot. With Griffin, it's a whole different ballgame and I've got a way clearer mind to recognize what is helpful and what is not this time around.
Here is what I find helpful, possible, and positive for me and what I would suggest to a friend if they were asking for my top ideas for the weeks immediately following a birth. None of it is black and white. Not all of it works or is even realistic for everyone. There is no one right way to do anything. But if one thing in this list gives a good idea to someone else, or an idea that they can modify to suit their circumstances, that's the whole dang point.
Let's get on with it.
What works?
Sunshine.
Going outside when the sun is out and soaking in it for 20 minutes greatly boosts my mood, helps regulate my own sleep, and offers a change of scenery. Plus, vitamin D. The walls of our home feel cozy and secure sometimes and other times they feel like a terrible, crushing, monotonous trap (hormones are fun). So, I go outside. Preferably in as little clothing as is possible for the location and temperature.
Prenatals +
I still take my prenatal to help my body heal and also support breastfeeding. Building back reserves after childbirth is important for my energy, my mental health, and the pace of my healing.
I like Ritual for their prenatal. Soon I'll switch over to their postnatal.
I also take vitamin D, calcium, magnesium, B complex, and sunflower lecithin every day, some of them twice a day for better absorption.
B complex is a mood booster and energy regulator.
Sunflower lecithin reduces the risk of clogged ducts for some people or can help to clear them faster if taken daily.
D, magnesium, and calcium all work together to absorb well into the body. D is mood and immune boosting and calcium needs it to absorb. Magnesium oxalate (as well as magnesium citrate) is great for regulating sleep and supporting tissue growth and cardiovascular health. Stay away from high doses of straight magnesium oxide, that's the one that helps you poop. Calcium helps the other two make a difference and also gets sent to the milk supply.
Postpartum Tea
I like to drink a hot mug of this super flavorful and aromatic tea every day to support a few things. One is my mood- it's just tasty and kinda fancy and special feeling. Puts a smile on my face every time. And it's full of "good" fats that go straight to helping your body heal its tissues and your milk supply remain steady (mostly because it's calorie packed and also in liquid form, two things you need to maintain a healthy milk supply. There's no magic, just good nutrition and habits.)
My recipe is made with half almond and half coconut milk. It's a super silky smooth combo. Skip the fennel seeds because some people do not react well to them and it can negatively effect their milk supplies (fennel has historically been touted as a great lactation support but the evidence is contradictive and I say better safe than sorry).
https://newmothercaregiving.com/turmeric-lactation-tea/
Easy, high energy snack foods.
And also easy, just for fun snack foods. Cheez-Its and I go way back.
We never go without a refrigerator supply of bite sized energy balls. Here is a link to a simple recipe.
https://www.eatingbirdfood.com/easy-no-bake-protein-balls-4-ways/
Mess with the recipe all you want. Add things like protein powder, psyllium fiber, flax seeds, chia seeds, and flavors you super duper like. Pack those suckers (or better yet, have someone ELSE make these for you and drop them off) with tons of good stuff so that when you are ravenous at 3am after a night feeding, you have something easy to pop in your mouth in seconds so you can go back to bed with a hit of helpful calories.
Hanging on to the hospital-issued water jug.
It's big. It's got a massive straw and a comfortable handle. There's ounces printed on the side so I can keep track of my intake. The thing is clunky but it is so convenient in the early days of taking care of a newborn as well as myself. Do I own big water bottles already? Yes. But this chunky double-walled monstrosity is really built for the job.
Your hospital didn't give you one? Find something big but not heavy like a Hydro Flask, easy to pick up (handle recommended), easy to drink from over a baby's head (straw essential), and easy to clean (no stupid inserts or fiddly mouth pieces).
Next, employ your partner as THE water jug filler upper for the first few days after childbirth. It's a full time job.
Don't like plain water? Cool whatever, add a squirt of flavor booster or a flavored electrolyte packet. Still counts if it gets you to drink more.
Talking about everything.
I haven't shut up since Griffin came out of me. And it really helps. I've got three or four essential people in my tell-all circle. The ones who get random "just had this thought, fear, experience, memory" texts or conversation prompts from me and who respond non judgementally. They are people that I know will read the vibe and respond accordingly, whatever it may be. Hunter is doing double duty as both a chatty toddler wrangler and an ear for me. He is very tired.
Along with my trusted circle, I have my writing. Some of it makes it out into the world and some of it is just for me to get a thought out of my head.
Why do I recommend just letting it all out, no shame? Because being a new parent is a wild business no matter how many times you do it and you will sometimes feel totally out of whack or way up on a mountain top and sometimes all within five minutes or fluctuating back and forth twenty times a day. Happy, sad, confused, proud, numb, exhausted, cloud nine. All of it.
Keeping an open dialogue about what my mind is doing or what I am experiencing with my trusted people is the best way I have found to support myself in coming back to a place of equilibrium. And if equilibrium is feeling really hard to find for a prolonged period of time, my circle has been in the know since day one and can possibly recognize it and act accordingly.
I do not do well when I hold it in. I have crashed and burned several times in life because of that bad habit. So I just let it all hang out now. Let the weird mom thoughts fly.
Inventing and maintaining a routine-Including showering every day.
Everything has changed. Someone is in my house who has never been here before and who doesn't know that things go a certain way around here. Oh, and they don't give a crap about my previous routines. They are the chaos and my job is to figure out how their chaos fits into my home life without driving us both insane.
There are just a few rules I maintain (And let everything else slide. Seriously. Everything.)
Rule 1: Three real meals (meaning a full belly meal, not just a snack) a day at as close to an appropriate meal time as possible. No excuses. Baby needs to be held for a nap? Cool, dad or other support person has arms. Baby needs to be fed? Cool, dad can prep my meal so it's ready for me the minute baby is done eating. I'm soooo tiiired I can't fathom eating? Cool, once again, dad can deliver and encourage. And dry tears when I inevitably cry about being so tired.
Take care of present you (and get your partner in on it too) with the most basic things so that future you is set up for success. Healing requires calories and nutrients. This is your appetite's time to shine.
Rule 2: Have a command station. Where is best for you to feed/burp/rock baby? Is it in their nursery? In your bedroom? In the living room? Set up your main command station where you find yourself doing care routines most often.
In your station there is:
A small table or cart to easily reach so you have a place for your water bottle, your snack, your phone, your burp rags, and your pump if you so choose. Whatever makes sense for YOU.
A phone charger within easy reach.
Your feeding apparatuses. Whether it's nursing pillows or your favorite lap pillow for bottle feeding, have em handy there.
Rule 3: Shower every day. Try to do it at the same time if possible. I do it as soon as Arthur is down for bedtime and Griff is between feeds.
My body is tired. My mind is tired. Sometimes it sounds like way too much work. So I go full autopilot and have to emotionlessly make my way into the bathroom and turn on the water. As soon as the hot water hits me, I instantly feel more like me again. I choose how long I take and what gets done in there, depending on how tired I am. And when I get out I am always so glad I did it. I have NEVER regretted a shower.
Also, postpartum people are SWEATY, they wear giant pads all day, they get barfed on, peed on, pooped on, they may have leaky boobs, they drop food on themselves, they cry sometimes. Believe me. You will not regret insisting on a shower being part of your everyday routine. Partners can hold the fort for twenty minutes. You take care of you.